


The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips (as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)

by somehowunbroken



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: M/M, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-25
Updated: 2011-06-25
Packaged: 2017-10-20 17:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somehowunbroken/pseuds/somehowunbroken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An epic poem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips (as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shinysylver](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinysylver/gifts).



> I... am so sorry. Really, that's all.

The Bawdy Tale of Sir Steven and His Hips  
(as written by Sir Daniel Williams, long-suffering Knight-Detective)

Our tale begins on a night late in March  
When a woman bends over in pain;  
“Jack!” she cries out. “Get the bag, hurry up!  
I’m having contractions again!”

A man comes downstairs, a duffel in hand,  
And walks to his poor pregnant wife.  
He helps her to stand and to walk to the car-  
So changes the rest of their lives.

For so born was Steven, the eldest McGarrett  
To Jack and Rebecca that day, and  
They knew from the start that he’d break lots of hearts  
For his tiny hips wriggled and swayed.

As young Steven grew he stayed limber and free  
And did tumbling and played lots of sports  
And he never did notice the friends that he made  
Always looked at his hips through his shorts.

By the time he turned twenty he’d started to see  
The effects that his hips had on friends;  
It didn’t seem to matter, he noted with shock,  
Whether they were women or men.

His hips held in sway a collection of folks  
Who might otherwise never have looked  
At the tallish young man with that mouth and those eyes  
But his hips – oh, they had people hooked.

It came time for Steven to choose a profession  
And he chose both nobly and wise-  
To become a SEAL, the bravest of soldiers  
Was the goal that he chose for his life.

He trained long and hard and learned many skills  
That he could put to good use-  
But still, none compared to the tilt of his hips,  
The way that they moved, free and loose.

So Steven went forth for to test out the power  
Of his bendable, flexible hips.  
“What fun I might have!” he thought, slightly giddy  
As he danced to the swells and the dips.

It didn’t take long for the folks in the bar  
To fall into a violent fight-  
They couldn’t agree and they sure wouldn’t share  
Steven’s talents in bed that night.

But Steven did spy with his freakish night-vision  
A man in the corner alone;  
A handsome blonde man with a detective’s badge  
Who was yelling into a small phone.

Steven walked past the fight being waged in his name  
And slid into the table’s free chair.  
“I’m Steven,” he said when the man closed his phone.  
“I really admire your hair.”

“Daniel,” said I, off’ring my hand,  
Shaking his firmly in mine.  
“You’re the one with the hips that I’ve heard all about?”  
Steven smiled and looked away, shy.

“I’m not impressed,” I hold him – it’s true!  
“I’ve seen hips like yours before.”  
Steven’s smile grew ‘til it filled his whole face,  
So I added, “Yeah – on a whore.”

“Hey, that’s not fair,” he pouted at me  
As if he could change my mind.  
“You don’t even know me, so how can you judge?  
I could just be all sweet and kind!”

I gestured a hand at the badge on his shirt-  
The one that described him as SEAL.  
“I know what that is,” I said with a poke,  
“I know what comes with that deal.”

“But you don’t like my hips,” he said with a smile,  
And for real, why did that make him grin?  
I replied, “I’ve seen worse,’ trying to figure him out  
But he widened his smile again.

“I like you,” said Steven, his eyes a bit wild,  
“Will you join a task force with me?”  
I frowned – just a little – and tried to imagine  
The panic this goof’s life would see.

“A task force,” I said, my voice wisely cautious.  
“I don’t know what to say about that.”  
“Say you’ll be my partner,” Steven replied,  
“And together crime we’ll combat.

“We’ll make safe this island from all who would live  
In crime and decay and despair!  
We’ll call ourselves Five-0 and put away murderers  
And traffickers and guys with bad hair.”

“It does sound tempting,” I slowly allowed,  
“But, Steven, answer me this:  
How many times will we catch those criminals  
With a shake and a bend of your hips?”

His answering smile was response enough-  
“Then I won’t do it, I can’t.  
I’m not gonna watch as your swing your hips ‘round  
And make all the criminals pant.”

“Aw, Danno, you’re jealous,” he beamed, and – what?  
“Danno?” I asked with a frown.  
“A term of endearment,” he said, grin in place  
As I kept my mouth firmly turned down.

The fight raged around us as Steven and I  
Discussed his ridiculous plan-  
But I suddenly found myself stricken with love  
For this reckless, ridiculous man.

“It’s not your hips,” I repeated to him  
As we stood to head up to bed.  
“Whatever you say, Danno,” he crooned,  
As through the room I was led.

And this I will say for Sir Steven the SEAL-  
His hips are the bendiest things.  
But he’s also loyal and deadly and kind, so  
Remember his praises to sing.

And if you should find yourself on our fair isle  
And in any trouble or mess-  
Just call upon Five-0 and Steven the SEAL  
And then lay your mind to rest.


End file.
